Frickin' Cold.

it is getting ready to snoOow- (said in sing-song voice).

very exciting.

and (see title).

Be Still and Know that I Am...

in stillness
i hear all the subtle movements around me.
God whispering
in the raspy dancing of leaves
the sweet singing
of a wooden wind chime
and the deep hum
of the earth.

I am
I am
I am

in quiet
i find my rest.
my God
i will sit in silence and wait.
i will be here
be present
and Alive
giving thanks for every moment
and every space
i find myself in.

Happy Thanksgiving, the Cheyenne way.

As i write this the sound of a drum and rattle are pulsating through the house, accompanied by the sound of voices singing in an ancient language.

it is so beautiful and foreign and familiar. the beat of the drum-- the steady rhythm is grounding and resonates somewhere deep within me.

Voices praising God.

i witness the handiwork of God this night- the broken bits of families coming together in hope and forgiveness and love. Truly beautiful.

I am thankful.

Autonomy.

alone.
within myself,
in this,
my place in the world.

i hold hands with my loneliness
and make peace with him.

i am learning
to be alone
and what better place than this-
Taos.
where the surrounding mountains
make you feel small
and the air so cold this time of year
that you want to turn
inside yourself
to keep warm.

desolate beauty
-i am-
learning
all the lessons i have avoided
in my life.

and i can't blame anyone
can't shake my fists
and beg
plead for another
answer.

it is this
i am
and Now

alone.
inside myself
i dig deeply-
because if it isn't here,
it won't be found.

What day is it?

Still feeling a bit disoriented. Time, day, location- that sort of thing. But it is also deeper reaching than that.
This morning i have the house to myself, well almost. Jack and Vinny, the cats, are keeping me company. it is very peaceful, nice time for recuperation and reflection. the only thing that worries my mind a bit is the beginning of a crack beneath the neck of my guitar.
damn airline.
or maybe it was the climate change. my poor baby...she's been through a lot with me on this trip.

looking forward to playing some coffeeshops here. i went to one yesterday that was SO incredibly cool. (cool??? what kind of adjective is that?!? i think maybe my english vocab has diminshed a bit...i am currently speaking an interesting blend of ingles y espanol).

spoke to my family on the phone last night- it was so good to hear their voices...so good to speak in spanish with them. made me a little homesick for Mexicali.

i am VERY excited about Thanksgiving. i didn't even remember that it was happening until i reached the states and Jenelle mentioned it. I asked her, "oh yeah....when IS that?" "Thursday." "YESSSSSSSSSSSSS." i have to admit that Thanksgiving is probably my all time favorite holiday. Eating, rejoicing together, talking, praying, laughing, eating, eating, eating....

yum.

New Mexico is interesting- i've never seen terrain quite like it. VERY different than california. Very different than anywhere i've been actually. Beautiful. There is no snow yet, but it is FREEZING at night. During the day it is just cold enough for the tip of your nose to hurt a bit, and your cheeks to sting. But actually, i have been enjoying bundling up. there is something very comfortable about layers of warmth. kind of like walking around in bed all day long.

most of the buildings here are made of adobe. which i LOVE. it's grainy and warm feeling- there are no hard lines or exact 90 degree angles- very comforting. everything is rounded and feels softer and more natural. less harsh.

i think i have come to the conclusion that the "city life" is not for me. i need dirt and green and a slower pace. and while i do love to spend time in a large metropolis...the buzz, the hum, the energy- it is not a good place for me to live for too long. it kind of drains me. being closer to the natural energizes me- i connect with God so naturally, easily, beautifully through Her creation. His pulse is almost tangible here.

on my journey from SD to NM there was major issues at the airport and my flights had to be redirected, rebooked, and the like. i was waiting on standby for most of the day. surprisingly, i wasn't frustrated much at all, or worried. i just waited. my trip has taught me so much about that.
because of all the rebooking and waiting i got to meet some very interesting people- Keith, who was headed to Idaho to visit family for the holidays. i played my guitar for him, and we began to talk about Grace and God and the American Church and where we have missed it. We talked openly and personally for about 2 hours.

Then i met Steve and his "mate" (forgive me friend my memory has misplaced your name)- two wonderful Aussies who were traveling to NM to visit old friends. They were great. :) reminded me of my dear friend Androo, another crazy Aussie man whom i love dearly! Steve said "Shockah!" and "Good Work!" and i thought of my dear Andrick. Beautiful connections in LAX. If i ever want to travel to Melbourne, Australia, i now have a place to stay.

Sending my love to all those in the States that i have not seen for so long! My love to all of you- i think about you all tons and tons.
For those of the praying persuasion- pray for my health- lots of little things, nothing life threatening.
Again, my deepest love to all of you.

things i am learning...
this moment is all i have.
God is all i have.
and for these reasons i do not fret myself with things i could not possibly know the answer to or outcome of.
i rest in this day because it is all i know and all i have.
because of this... moments stretch out before me for what seems like eternity. i savor each one.

This Life is so beautiful.

Vive. Disfruta. Espera.

huele de lluvia

(written while en Mexico...)

the air is cool and humid
the night is fresca
humming
and pulsing
with the energy
of all us together
in the same house
laughing

i walk barefoot
and wriggle my toes
in the dust
as if i could soak it
all up-
and set down
roots
grow out of the tierra
here
en el pais de mi corazon
la familia de mi ser

with dirty feet
i walk to the room
which has become mine

shouting and laughing
mis hermanos
are stumbling and bumping
into each other
laughter wracks the room
and we are all sprawled out-
Lupita is wheezing
Tannya with tears streaming
down her face
Alan giggling
and i am on the floor
face pressed into the tiles

voy a extranarlos
mas que puedo espresar.

the cricket on my pillow
waits to sing
me to sleep
but Pita and i are
talking until the
small hours of the day
again

and i am enamored-
enamorada,
with everything around me.

So Much to Say...

I am in San Diego.

I feel out of place, alien.

I miss the sounds, the smells, the sights and people of Mexico.

Wondering what God has for me in New Mexico.

so much has happened, i feel like i don't even know where to begin. i talked to my dad on the phone today....it was the best conversation we've ever had.
what is happening in my life???
pictures to share and video too....coming soon.

love to all. keep me in your thoughts and prayers.