letting go for good.

always
different versions
of me.

the woman i am now
looks back upon
the girl who followed you around
unsteady and wobbly
like a toddler
depending on men to feed me
like a baby
i needed a hand to hold
and guide me
and i thought maybe that
it was only i,
at the time.

but now i have a clearer view
and i can see
that it wasn't only me
who was acting out ancient archetypal roles
that had been lived out
centuries before we ever existed
and played out incessantly
throughout both our childhoods.

i am learning now the weight of my words
and their inherent value-
ideas denied me for most of my young life
so hear this now,
if nothing else:

Listen. LISTEN.
and find value in everyone
and what they say-
not just the individuals
who interest you (for you)
it is the greatest kindness
you
will ever
do.

and pride will fall
and break
into a thousand different pieces
like a plate
shattered upon the ground-
my anger flares
at things long passed
words whose ring still echo
in my wounded places.
and so i violently reject
all thoughts of shame
and regret,
i throw "ideal" out the window
into the street
with the trash and the shit
where it
belongs.

please do not mistake
my words for judgement-
that you are not more like me
it is merely a grieving,
and a vow
that i will never again allow
myself to love a man
who wants to
change me.