The Juicy Pulp; written while in CA.

From Madeleine L'Engle's "Glimpses of Grace."- entitled, Enjoying God.
The scene: "In the Portuguese convent, Joaquina is an overly pious nun, and Mother Escolastica is one of the senior nuns. Mariana is playing with some of the convent children. At the time of this story, the middle of the 17th century, Portugal was still struggling to win her freedom from Spain."

The refectory rang with unaccustomed laughter.
Sister Joaquina, unable to share the pleasure, was saying, "I'm not sure it's a good idea."
Beatriz directed her clear gaze at Joaquina. "What? Being free of Spain?"
"Counting buttons."
-What? Mother Escolastica, sitting across from the younger nuns, focused her dark old eyes, still bright as beads on Joaquina's pasty face. Did the young nun, like Sister Maria de Assuncao, suffer from dyspepsia? Her diet should be checked. Why should a casual remark from silly little Michaela on the brightness of the buttons on the French soldier's jackets be made into an issue?
Joaquina, overly fond of mortifications, took the driest, hardest crust from the bread tray. "It keeps our minds from the contemplation of inward visions."
Mariana burst into such a peal of laughter that all heads in the refectory turned in her direction.
Joaquina flushed, "What's so funny?"

"Forgive me," Mariana said quickly as she reached for an orange and began to peel it. "I wasn't laughing at you. You're quite right. I should spend more time, as you do, worrying about saving my soul, but i can't seem to do it, because surely I cannot save my soul. Only God can do that. And when i see-" she looked out the long, open windows to the garden, "-the way the evening sun is touching the flowers right now- or when i look at this orange, look at the brilliance of its color and smell the sharpness of its scent-isn't that as much a vision of God as anything we see inwardly?"

"I don't know," Joaquina said flatly. She looked across the table at Mother Escolastica. "I don't mean to criticize, Mother, but there's something wrong with it."
"With what, child?"
"The way Sister Mariana looks out the window at the flowers, and the way she enjoys that orange."
"Well?"
"She enjoys it too much."
Mariana's mouth was full of juicy pulp. "Aren't we supposed to?"


I think often times people forget that this world around us is created for us to enjoy and care for. Many feel that everything exists in extremes- God is good, we are bad. Heaven is holy, the World is evil. So what is created is this huge chasm- this separateness. (Do we forget that God is IN us? That everything we see is in fact His&Her divine handiwork??) With this division, is created a great deal of fear- fear of contamination, of damnation, of becoming too invested in "this world", etc.
And, instead of cultivating healthy habits and attitudes about balance and healthy limits for oneself, people choose to pull away in fear, reject all of it, and judge and condemn others who enjoy the simple and sensual of Life. Mariana poses her question- "Isn't that as much a vision of God as anything we see inwardly?" yes, YES.

And her other statement, "I should spend more time...worrying about saving my soul, but i can't seem to do it, because surely I cannot save my soul. Only God can do that."
In the past i have felt this deeply, with great shame. Until I realized that i know so many who live every day in constant analysis and questioning of their "salvation" or their "calling" or what they are "supposed" to do- and i simply cannot do that.
If your head is cloudy and overcast you tend to miss the sunshine and the way it looks shining on the flowers.
you MISS it.
that moment of your life GONE FOREVER. i am not willing to do that anymore.
Life is not that serious and gloomy, and neither is God.
I think God has given us this creation- in all its terrible beauty- to simply enjoy. This world is beautiful and sacred because of the God that created it. Amen.