Something I Need To Say.
Papa, I am your daughter.
But i am more than that too.
I am a Woman
whose Heart speaks louder than
anything your discouragement
can say.
And She tells me
that happiness is more important than
some illusionary American dream.
that your support and understanding
is not worth my misery.
that Life is abundant
and my Mother will provide-
that money is not the end-all or controller
of my destiny and dreams.
And i will return to the place of my birth
different
and more grown than before,
as i come into my Self
and claim my Womanhood
for my own.
Mama forgive me for any distancing i must do
or have done,
please understand, it was never To you.
a necessary step in my path,
my journey towards
Me.
I adore you with all my heart-
honoring the Wild Woman in you
that has always nurtured
the Wild Woman
in me.
and Papa please understand, if you can find it
within you to do so-
that i am not your little girl anymore.
and that i cannot be anyone
but Me.
and i simply cannot search any longer for my self worth
in your approval or words-
and please know that my wandering feet
and searching soul
are not made
for the paths
that you have known.
So, here i am
slightly brokenhearted
and struggling,
knowing that the rock and hard place
i find myself between-
are neither one for me.
so i will slip out
quietly
and find some place
in the shade of my Creator's trees,
dig my toes in deep
and breathe.
This is Me.
Aqui Soy.
the daughter of my father's rage
and my mother's forgotten dreams.
i am not perfect
nor pretend to be,
but i do hold me to the highest
standard of Me.
and i will grow
and i will break
i will rise from the dust of my ashes
with a Phoenix cry-
i will stumble
i will reach, soar, fly.
and even if i fail
by this world's standards or my father's
at least i will not have ignored
the Voice within me.
8 comments:
wow...beyond any words i possess
shannon says:
rach that was beautiful. gut-aching honest beautiful. i admire ur courage to actually expose such honest feelings ya know? those types of gutwrenching things are the types i write in songs for only strangers to hear. when are u coming home!?! i would like to see u.
what an incredible and gifted writer you are Rach...though such an oddity to me to write such an intimate letter to your parents... for the world to see...hmmm... guess I don't quite understand the blog venue.
such a disappointed tone, even in your comment, mom. what i wrote to/about you in this post was honoring, from the heart, expressing gratitude for you- "i adore you with all my heart."
my relationship with you and with my father are intimate and integral pieces of my Life and Who i am. this blog is a creative and emotional outlet for me- expressions of my heart.
i am sad that you didn't hear what it was i needed to say.
in no way in disappointment of you.
i love you.
thank you, Shannon, Aaron, for your support.
HHHAAAAY! holla! i finaly learned how to use this thang. we'll talk about this later in pers0n, cus i myself dnt like other ppl readin my PRiVATE things.
Always Have A Dream in your heart, reach out for your dreams and bring them closer, and closer to your heart.You're much stronger than any obstacles life can throw at you. Your
trully a brave and honest woman and i understand. Be true to yourself.
Have an awesome day, for there's a new day coming. Open your eyes and show the new day that wonderful smile.
This is a beautiful story that helps put into perspective what should
Be important in our short life!
RED MARBLES
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed
A small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily
Apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.
I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green
Peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.
Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation Between
Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
"Hello Barry, how are you today?"
"Hello, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank Ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure
Look good."
"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"
"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."
"Good. Anything I can help you with?"
"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."
"Would you like to take some home?" asked Mr. Miller.
"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."
"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"
"All I got's my prize marble here."
"Is that right? Let me see it" said Miller.
"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."
"I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of Go
for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?" the store owner
Asked.
"Not zackley but almost."
"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this
Way let me look at that red marble". Mr. Miller told the boy.
"Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller."
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.
With a smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in our
Community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to
bargain With them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they
come back with Their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he
doesn't like red after All and he sends them home with a bag of produce
for a green marble or An orange one, when they come on their next trip
to the store."
I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man A short Time
later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man,
The boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just
Recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho
community and While I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They
were having his
Visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed To
accom pany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet
The relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we
Could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform And
the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all Very
professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed And
smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her,
Kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the
casket.
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man
Stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in
The casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded Her
of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about
her Husband's' bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took
my Hand and led me to the casket.
"Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.
They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them.
Now, at
Last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size....they
Came to pay their debt."
"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she
Confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in
Idaho "
With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased
Husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
The Moral : We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind
Deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments
that Take our breath
Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you
didn't make yourself...An unexpected phone call from an old
friend...Green stoplights on your way to work...The fastest line at the
grocery store...A good sing-along song on the radio...Your keys found
right where you left them.
Send this to the people you'll never forget. I just Did...
If you don't send it to anyone, it means you are in way too much of a
hurry to even notice the ordinary miracles when they occur.
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF
LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED!
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present!
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