Hmmmm.

So i know that a large part of the "having issues" here has to do with me wanting to run away from challenge. I feel like i am doing some really important (inner) work right now, some really major stuff. and its a little scary.

and a lot exhausting.

do you ever feel like, "Okay Life, i'm gonna take a little break now, just a breather, and i'll be back soon..."? i've been thinking about that the last couple of days. i feel like the last year has been lesson after lesson after lesson- forgiveness, healing, growth, challenges-- don't get me wrong, all good things. Amazing actually. i just feel tired now. like my soul-mind-body-spirit needs a little cat nap. you know, just maybe 'rest my eyes' for a few minutes.

so, this is where the resistance comes in, you know? i am feeling a little depleted too. its hard to face deep personal challenges when you feel like you JUST got done with the last one and you really don't know if there is any strength left in your tank.

the other part though is feeling like i don't fit in, feeling isolated and not relating to the culture and society around me. Life in New Mexico was a lot closer to the earth- more grounded and slower paced.

switching gears, almost.

i read this letter to the editor today in Danville's local newspaper complaining about a local charity group that feeds those who are hungry (lunches/dinner, groceries, etc.), i think its called "Fishes and Loaves" or something. The jerk who wrote this letter had an issue with all the "undesirable people" it was bringing to the neighborhood.

wow.

i found myself RAGING (inwardly) about the injustices of the distribution of wealth in this country (and in the world, really) and how some people can live so completely removed from the suffering of others- like this guy. how dare those poor people come and taint his neighborhood- he shouldn't have to see them or hear them, or even know they exist. he actually called them "dirty" in his letter.

furious, completely disgusted, and feeling helpless i drove around Danville blaring all the anti-war, anti-corporate, social justice Ani Difranco songs i could think of. borderline ridiculous, i know, but what else could i really do??
this place really wears on me.

anyway- more thoughts later, i guess. i just wanted to expound upon what i wrote the other day. gonna go pick up my girls and play in the park.
sandcastles and silliness sounds like a good remedy to me.