You
Holy Mother
Baba Yaga
She Who Hears the Cries of the World-
Skeleton Woman
Kali
Abuela
You who know my heart
my body
my soul
You who give Life, give Death, and give Life again
I am cradled
in your voluptous flesh,
a child of
your Womb-
from there have I come,
and to there I will return.
and i know
my mind is made of matter
but i need to know
exactly
what is the matter
at it's core,
because my heart
is just a muscle-
yes,
and simply put,
it's sore.
Big heaving sobs. The kind of cry that leaves you with an aching head, puffy red eyes, and a chest cavity that feels just a little bit lighter.
Life is such a beautiful teacher, but sometimes I just need an effing break. And to be perfectly honest, there are some lessons I don't want to learn, dammit. I don't. They're big and they're scary and I don't know if I can handle it.
Sometimes I feel so deeply conflicted and what I desire always seems to fall on two extreme sides of the same spectrum simultaneously. I am a walking duality, constantly.
And then there's the issue of asking of myself what I would ask of others. I want freedom, but I don't want to give it. I want to not be judged, and yet I judge. And the list goes on and on. No joke.
Days like today don't negate or invalidate those Magical ones, when everything is beautiful and I have understanding. In fact, I know those days couldn't exist without days like this one, and vice-versa.
But man, it's hard not to run away.
I have an overbearing and too-well-fed 'Fight or Flight' mechanism in me--and I feel like I don't even know what my other options are. I'm looking for them. I need them desperately...cause this is exhausting.
