Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Solitude...

felt restless today...it's the season in which many of my friends return to their various schools....return to a life which i am not a part of. kinda lonely.
plugging away at a community college, sitting in classes that do not interest me or stimulate my mind, counting away hours of my life that i will never get back.
is it worth it?
working towards some end...a degree. which, really is necessary if i am going to be a teacher.
the solitude was good for me today.
i drove out to Berkeley and walked around. treated myself to the best garlic-cheese bread ever created, sat and read for a bit. just being present. being in silence, better to observe those around me, even better to observe myself.
been having to battle a lot lately, fending off lies that i believed about myself for so long. feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, general wretchedness. i find that when i feel as though i have let people down, it eats at me. it can be the smallest sigh, or note of disappointment in someone's voice, and thats all it takes. i need to think about what lies i am still believing.
i am so thankful that God has been so kind. putting words in my heart, putting people in my path to remind me, giving me his comfort. without Him, i would be lost.
more later...i've been reading, "Siddhartha" and a Tom Robbins book that are so interesting.....

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Inspired...

Voices ringing out
pure and longing-
desperately calling for a touch
of our Abba's hand.
desperate for His presence...
Come, Lord Jesus, come.

and He does,
pouring out His precious presence
uplifting the weary
speaking to the broken hearted,
His mercies so tender,
so intimate.
Thank you, Abba.

another voice ringing out-
strong and true
coming from such humble places.
a willing vessel,
craving so deeply his Father's blessing,
for His voice to be heard,
above all the rest.

and i am overwhelmed...
overwhelmed by God's faithfulness,
His love for us,
how desperately He longs for us in return,
how joyfully He pursues us...

Abba, your heart
calls to me, lifts my head, blesses me beyond
anything I ever thought possible,
I cannot contain the vastness of your beauty-
my heart is bursting with it.

To be in your presence, Beloved,
is to be whole.
I love you.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Mmmm...Beginnings

Why I decided to start this tonight? I do not know. Something I've been thinking about doing for awhile now. Why the "Holy Moment"? Well, a concept I have only begun to understand recently. Understanding that eternity, being before we can imagine and simultaneously further, beyond what we can conceive is also happening concurrently; right NOW. How beautiful is that? We are not waiting for eternity- life some kind of means towards that end...we are in eternity NOW! And this moment, holy in its utter uniqueness, possesses all the vastness of eternity within it. As so eloquently put in the film, Waking Life, "Empty with such fullness."
I find that so inspiring! It spurs me on to treasure each moment of life and discover beauty everywhere!
I may just be crazy. Anyway, it is late, andI fear I am quickly approaching Incoherent. Must sleep...long and beautiful day tomorrow.