Solitude...

felt restless today...it's the season in which many of my friends return to their various schools....return to a life which i am not a part of. kinda lonely.
plugging away at a community college, sitting in classes that do not interest me or stimulate my mind, counting away hours of my life that i will never get back.
is it worth it?
working towards some end...a degree. which, really is necessary if i am going to be a teacher.
the solitude was good for me today.
i drove out to Berkeley and walked around. treated myself to the best garlic-cheese bread ever created, sat and read for a bit. just being present. being in silence, better to observe those around me, even better to observe myself.
been having to battle a lot lately, fending off lies that i believed about myself for so long. feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, general wretchedness. i find that when i feel as though i have let people down, it eats at me. it can be the smallest sigh, or note of disappointment in someone's voice, and thats all it takes. i need to think about what lies i am still believing.
i am so thankful that God has been so kind. putting words in my heart, putting people in my path to remind me, giving me his comfort. without Him, i would be lost.
more later...i've been reading, "Siddhartha" and a Tom Robbins book that are so interesting.....