Vulnerable.

This past week has been a hard one.
Struggling with my overextended existence (5 more weeks, 5 more weeks...) my heart felt hard and ugly and oozing out onto others. fell in some areas i had felt long dealt with...humbling, so humbling. A brokenness that settles in my heart....revealing my heart means vulnerability and a constant trust that Jesus will be there to hold me in my brokenness, that everything will be alright.
i have been thinking about the woman who lathered perfume on Jesus' feet and washed them with her hair. and about 'the one who has been forgiven much, loves much.'
how can i EVER lose sight of my brokenness? my incapability to love, to live, to even breathe apart from my Beloved one??
A few months ago i threw a ring into the ocean, tied to it all the things i had pursued for my self- each was represented by a strand of seagrass or seaweed. This act was so powerful for me, this week i was reminded of that time, space. Such a broken spirit...wherever and whatever you have for me God, lead me and i will follow. This is the cry of my heart.
apart from you Abba, i have nothing, i am nothing, i can do nothing.
Your mercy is the air i breathe.
I do not resist the lesson, i will wait for you and your overwhelming Goodness.
i will rest in the perfection of your love.