recoiling at the sight of myself from the inside-outside-in

ani's raging guitar is washing over me
with just a hint of sorrow
the rhythm rising around me
and i slip in between chord changes
and lean against the notes
thumbs resting on the lips
of my front pockets,
elbows bent
with corners intent
on stoic solitude.
not sure if i am
slipping into
my tough girl act
or just acknowledging
old callouses,
like a rough heel
thickskinned and worn-
dry
cracked
and peeling in places.
so self-contained.
i wear my wounds like a badge tonight
look what i came through,
see?
i'm strong too.
strong
and roughly feminine
borderline
neither here nor there
just try to tie me down
i dare
you.

and somewhere soft
within me
recoils
at this vision,
i can see her
smiling sweetly
just waiting
for this tough girl
to clean up her act
to let go
and laugh
at herself
at the thought that stone
cannot be penetrated
that marble will not crumble
that walls built do anything more
than keep
her enclosed
in her loneliness.