My Lost Mind.

Have you seen her? She seems to have gone missing.
Hmmm.

Frustrated with myself. Why can't i just learn something once? Why can't i be in that glorious moment of understanding all the time? I have this lesser self that eats away at me- she taunts me with despair and selfish sadness, teasing me with her feelings-free deadened state.

"And there is this burning, like there's always been..."

So much in my life calls me to Life itself, to truly living, being present and awake. So why this evasive heaviness whose cause i cannot quite pin down??

Thinking a lot about Love lately and what meaning it holds, what consequences it carries. Vowing misery until death-do-us-part doesn't sound too apealing. Mejor sola que mal acompania.
The marriages i admire the most and appear to be the healthiest are those in which the partners are absolutely best friends. Lifelong friendship? Sounds good to me. Throw in a little mutual adoration and I'm there.
But do we ever find this? Does it find us? Is this a chance that can be lost? Can anything ever be truly lost?

Do you see my concern here? For my mind i mean. i start somewhere semi-concrete and end up spinning off into nameless galaxies of unknowns and very possibly meaningless thoughts. sigh. Does this get any easier?? Do things eventually settle down a bit, like maybe, when i'm 30?

Life continues to be one extending transition, which really, is beautiful when you think about it. Sometimes i do feel like i need a breather. I'm thinking about a weekend alone, in nature and in silence. Cut off from the outside world, by myself, in stillness and quiet.

it'd be good for me i think.
Anyway, good night.