For Dave

BOOoOOOo CREEPY FOOT DOCTOR!!!!

I Have the Coolest Job EVER.

So, funny happenings yesterday with my girls...quick story. :)

Brianna (the oldest), Fiona (the youngest), and i were in the backyard playing baseball. I was pitching and Brianna was up to bat. Fiona had deemed herself ball-girl, her usual position.
Picture this: As it is a hot day, Fiona is running around in just a too long white t-shirt and her Dora underwear. Brianna and I are concerned for her well-being and so, Brianna gives Fiona her BRIGHT pink softball helmet, that is 4x too large for Fi's little head. Her delicate golden curls are sticking out from underneath and she is having to walk around with her head tilted back so that she can see out from under the helmet.
Brianna and I decided not to play a full game, but just practice hitting the ball. I pitch the first couple of balls to Brianna, who smacks them good. Fiona, summing up my general synopsis of baseball, coaches her sister, yelling, "Run in circles!"

Brianna and I crack up, and I wonder at the world, and baseball, from a four year-old's perspective. I love it.

I've got those "Wednesday-Morning-Business-Is-Too-Damn-Slow" Blahs

What is wrong with me?????
i feel like i am ricocheting between health and demise, both physically and spiritually/mentally/emotionally.
i have learned so much, know what my innermost self's response would be, should be, is...and i am ignoring it as much as possible.
i am frustrated
angry
sorrowful
anxious
and a little spiteful.

yuck.

sometimes i wish i could vomit these things out like a bad corndog. or, more accurately, like a pork taco from the highly-illegal-transporting-of-meat taquiera next door! yes, like that.

i feel venomous.

and ugly.

like this lower-self/ego me is crouching in the corner hissing and abcessing and preparing to pounce.

sorry. but i thought i'd go for honesty this time around. feels better, and worse. again, my apologies- no one should feel like this let alone have to hear about it.

Mi Save Misim Yu Tru.

saying goodbye
i give you pieces of my heart.


Bai mi mekim wanUm nau?
maybe the pieces we have left with each other can be held closely.
maybe we are not broken.
maybe we are still whole.

you to your reconciliation, me to my splitting apart.

how quickly our garage became your room...i will be missing you, friend of my heart-of-hearts.

Santa Cruz

Spent the day at the beach. beautiful. this evening we have been playing with Amir, and now sadly he is going to bed. :)
listening to Ben Harper's "Have you Ever"- it is very beautiful and slightly achey.
just had a conversation with Andy about family and "home."
i think we find home in people that we love.
in God in us and in others.

Sometimes i get frustrated with blogging because i would like to say what is really on my mind, but refrain or speak in some ridiculous "code" because i know certain people may be reading. i guess that is the difference between a journal and a blog, but typing sometimes is just more comfortable. hmmm. anyway-

i am so thankful for this crossing of paths that i have had with my friends. old and new. :) it has been so wonderful.

Cathedrals of Love.

...for you hombre arananjado.

Went to an AMAZING show last night....Andrew Chakan a.k.a. Kid Beyond who is an incredible beat boxing, song writing, humanitarian/activist/party animal. He performed along with Zoe Keating, who if you have not yet heard of is God's gift to the cello and to this earth. She is.....beyond words. She plays the cello and with the help of a loop pedal, layers herself over 16 times. It is absolutely angelic. It moves you so deeply. It has a similar effect that Sigur Ros has on me....maybe a little more so even.

My boys are still here, and just as crazy as ever....though Andy is missing his "voman." They will be leaving soon and i am sad. Their music has been filling my house and my heart-- it will be so empty when they go. Still, must leave that to the leaving and enjoy the time we still have together.

Going to Santa Cruz this weekend to visit my Natalie and introduce the boys to the California coast...i believe we will take Hwy 1 home. yum.

well, must go. love to all.

Yum to the 'Enth Degree...

My friends are here!! Dave and Andy are visiting...i love them so much. it is the fault of our continuous shananigans that i have not been writing here. so wonderful.
crazy jam sessions until the wee hours of the morning, cooking for each other, good conversations, and laughing until i have tears streaming down my face.
it is such good timing, thank you God.

both the boys grew up in Papua New Guinea and their perspective is refreshing and affirming. Dave is teaching me "Pidgen"- the trade language in Guinea. i love it! i think i may have been born in the wrong country... haha. i feel at home with them.

in other news,
i am letting go of worries that i cling to. slowly and gently. it is a good thing. i feel like my soul is settling a bit, resting a bit more. I am so thankful that God cannot be contained by my silly anxieties.

balancing external and internal can be hard sometimes...maybe the are not the duality that they seem. hmmmm.

anybody have "hot-spots" that can't be missed while the boys are here?? they want to see more of the City....

MOMA tomorrow and then an incredible show at Slims.
good, good times.