Kleenex is your friend.
We must know what's going on in the world, right? I feel that it is our responsibility to be knowledgeable about world politics, global situations, suffering communities and peoples. But, how much is too much? Or is there a limit?
At some point, selfishly I feel that it is almost better not to know. It is too much sorrow to bear. In the past I would go through these really extreme periods... I was like a sponge, soaking up information and the world's sorrow and pain- my heart breaking and breaking for those who suffered. I would literally cry for days.
then I would become overwhelmed and almost completely shut off from the world- no news, no newspapers, magazines, nothing. I couldn't handle it anymore. It was almost a deadening.
This cycle would continue in its two extremes...it was very exhausting and painful.
I have been wondering about balances- I don't want to become desensitized to the suffering of others in any way. I also don't want to be an emotional wreck and unable to love and serve others in my daily life. I don't want to be unaware of what is going on in the world. some conflicts here...how do I reconcile them to each other and within myself??
had a particularly sensitive day yesterday...after I blogged I went out in the backyard to my mom who was gardening, and just sobbed. What if the little girls I watch had to witness such atrocities as their grandparents being shot in the head in front of them??? their pain is our pain, it is no different, it is not seperate. Iraqi children bleed the same as American children. If one human being suffers, we all suffer.
later on in the day I had a long talk with an old friend whom I had felt very estanged from recently. more crying. I hadn't realized it had been affecting me so much. I fear judgement from people I grew up with in the church, I fear their possible rejection because the path God has led me on has brought me to things they might not understand. I hope that we can have grace for each other in light of Unity, understanding, and the immensity of the God we serve.
no more writing now. still feeling vulnerable and sensitive. i hope the girls are nice to me today! haha.
blessings to all.
"If your Religion does not serve to make you a more Compassionate human being, then it is worthless."
- Dr. Parente; World Religions class, Fall 2005.
3 comments:
hey rach, i've wondered this very often as well. it's one of those balance questions. i think of Jesus, how he was a man of sorrows. What was he like at every time? sometimes i dont understand how people can have a good time when there is hurting goin on in the world. what should we do? should we get extreme and fast and pray? or say a quickie and get on with our lives? it's difficult to know what a balance would look like. im thankful for God's grace, otherwise i'd ruin everything if it were up to me to be righteous perfectly.
anyway, i surely dont have the answer, but wanted to express my relation to your post. i do have times of enjoyment, many times of sorrow.. and weariness. this life is complex. handling emotions, stressing and draining. sometimes our hearts can only mourn and that's it. i'm thankful that God has made us care about these things, he's enlivened ourhearts towards compassion..which is a gift.
i have always felt sorrow for what goes on in the world, but it is only recently that a great deal of these things bring me to a point of tears. (even sobbing so much it surprises me) maybe i am learning to expose my heart to others?
i too, don't know the balance that should be kept. my heart longs to fix things. i would like to help others in so many ways that it seems impossible. whether with the children in Iraq or the people in Darfur, or wherever else they are. i even think sometimes want to help my friends here so much that i tend to neglect myself. ahhh.
i don't really have an answer to your post, but you are not alone in the struggle that you are in.
Thank you both for your words, empathy, and encouragement. It was much needed and deeply appreciated.
love to you both-
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