the end of Garden State

leaves me crying everytime.
for some reason it tears me in two at the core.
why?
why do i feel this restlessness rising in my chest?
this desire to get in my car and drive and drive and drive
to GO
what am i searching for that is not already in front of me?
why am i so apathetic and unmotivated?
am i just sinking again?
is this spiritual unrest or just some lame school-girl-blues?
i love the romanticism of the end of this movie
but it leaves me longing
and aching
what the hell am i searching for???
God why am i here?
what am i doing?
is my restlessness just not wanting to deal with daily life?
do i need to grow through this and get beyond it?
it keeps coming back, raising its ugly head
the same feeling.
all my life
searching for someone to sweep me off my feet
fulfill the dreams of my princess-in-the-tower-like existence
but people have come and gone
long lasting relationships
where i just became bored and restless
nothing to make me unhappy necessarily
but i was
i want to GO
where??
when?
and to whose benefit?
i want home.
i want peace.
i've been trying to write the same song for a week now
and it won't come
i've been trying to write my spanish comp
ALL DAY
and i can't just sit down and finish the damn thing
lack of inspiration or lack of discipline?
or both?
God please come for me
in all my disillusionment and confusion
i am so frustrated.

my dad keeps walking through the house
turning off all the lights
i follow behind him
turning them back on
it's so depressing this cave-like habitation
my family has become

what is the answer?
stay or run?
tighten up, close off
or fight for vulnerability
i need someone to fight for me
(please fight for me)